dirty medical jokes

It burned up! Nobody wants a pain reliever thats anything less than extra-strength: Give me the maximum-allowable dosage. What did the doctor give the sick snake? Please note: prices are correct and items are available at the time the article was published. 65. Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer ", A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. I can never remember the name.. Does your husband have any cardiac problems? I asked. He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. The first guy says, Ive suffered from back pain for years. He runs Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? St. Peter replies, "You may enter. Weve included some of the funniest joke memes as well for you to Why did the doctor go to the party? Oh, she said, like a margarita? Kaaryn Roberts. He is a sucker for good coffee, Indian food, and video games. What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteers funeral? Oink-ment! 46. 89. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. "Doctor! But those came back negative. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the A scientist tells a pharmacist, Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid. Thats a big decision. My grandfather says Im too reliant on technology. Thats not a problem, the doctor says. He turns to the group and says, "It was too small for a condor, too big for a sparrow. If you hurt your foot while driving, call a toe-truck. If you purchase using the buy now button we may earn a small commission. What sickness does a martial artist have? Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. Her mum is one of ten siblings, so she has always been surrounded by a massive network of family. If you pee on them, they disappear. Some medical jokes can make life's slips and trips seem more manageable. "No," I answered. I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor. Where do horses go when they're sick? Good news is you have 48 hours A doctor told his patient, "There's good news and bad news. His cardiologist just died.. The other 100% was for doing it through the tailpipe., Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria 70. Why dont yogurt and medicine get along? "No." Noticing an apple on his nightstand, she remarked, An apple a day keeps the doctor away, right? How can you do that?" Lemon-aid! Patient: 'Doctor, I've swallowed a spoon.' As a brain wave technologist, I often ask postoperative patients to smile to make sure their facial nerves are intact. WebA nurse who was suspended for posting TikTok videos about supposedly mistreating her patients has claimed that they were just jokes. 94. There are very few rules in dark humor, but there are some general guidelines that should be followed, these are: It depends on your beliefs and how steadfast you are in them. Because he was speeding to save a life! Never try lying to an X-ray technician. Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. I asked, "What is this? Me: Do you think this is the right career for you? We arrive on scene, and she hands us an empty mint container, saying she took them all. Another funny story published onsott.net: As the angel turns to the third fellow, he instantly recoils and screams, Dont touch me! The emergency physicians turns around and says, "I have no idea, but I'm pretty sure that I hit it.". Where do ghosts go when they're sick? "I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes. They aren't yours. A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, Im sorry, but you only have ten left. The patient asks him, Ten what, Doc? Following my husbands physical exam, the doctor delivered some bad news. After my wife accidentally swallowed my prostate medication, our daughter called a pharmacist to ask whether there was any cause for alarm. I Years of smoking finally caught up with my friend John one morning when he keeled over at work, clutching his heart. Because they have your back! Last Valentines Day, I arrived at the doctors office where I work as a receptionist to find a mystery man pacing up and down holding a package. Get a water softener. Tumor: More than one, an extra pair. 25. My 85-year-old grandfather was rushed to the hospital with a possible concussion. The Doctor told him I have good news and bad news. ", My neighbor's boat has a peculiar name: Innuendo. As I left my office at the National Cancer Institute, I passed one of our researchers by the front door puffing away on a cigarette. '. Imagine my surprise when I went to Tipler Army Medical Center for a heart bypass operation and discovered my surgeons name was Dr. Eror. She wrote "Walking distance. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! All rights reserved. When the night shift nurse arrived, I recounted what had happened. Give it to me!" Cause youre sending shocks straight to my heart. St. Peter lets him enter. 2.Why did the patient go to the optometrist? Catscan: Searching for kitty 19. A medical student was told to remove the spleen from a cadaver. Im at Rex Hospital. Imagine the surprise of both a hospital patient and my mom when the patient awoke after surgery and, upon seeing who her nurse's aide was, yelled, "What are you doing? "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says. A little boy was brought into our emergency room after ingesting part of a plug-in air freshener. Because all of those answers were on his badge.. This is arealstory submitted to a Reddit board: "My work is so exciting," I said. 60. Whats the difference between humans and bullets? "People come into my office, tell me their Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Must be because she likes giving head? Because they are well organized. Nurse: Do you think you could be pregnant? "There was a toilet in there.". WebMedical Jokes Nerdy Jokes Sick Humor Silly Jokes Memes Quotes Funny Quotes Ghoulish Humor: I was thinking about a brain transplant, but I changed my mind. ", 4. Days? Following my husband's physical exam, the doctor delivered some bad news. ", "No," the director said. How? I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support. A pharmacist gave the wrong prescription, which was a bitter pill to swallow. ", 5. What do you call a doctor who cant find anything wrong with you? 61. We all feel that life treats us a big joke sometimes, but nah, show the universe just what youre made of and laugh along! A patient came to the ER with a rash. So the hijackers dont get lost. The therapist is shockedthis disproves his theory. After I recited my woes, my daughter said, "Well, seven doctors is better than one coroner.". 99. Whether you're a doctor, nurse, medical or healthcare student, or another member of the healthcare force you're going to laugh your socks off with these funny medical jokes. Burn a body at a crematorium, youre being a respectful friend. Do it at home and youre destroying evidence., A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. "Your tap water is too hard. Dr. When I went back to the medical lab to have some blood drawn, I was greeted with a battery of questions from the technician. We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content. Brie! The bad news is, you have partial short-term memory loss." Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." He hasnt taken our motorcycle out all day. Let me ask you, I said. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. A bartender cured me for $10. I dont think boogers are that delicious. They run in your jeans! Smells good.". The first Doctor says: "I love doing surgery on Artists, they are so colorful: red Hearts, pink Stomachs, green Spleens." The kidney said to the other "urine my thoughts!". Thats true, he agreed. He must have a temperature, she said. Noticing an apple on his nightstand, she remarked, An apple a day keeps the Patient in to ER at 0400 with no complaints: I have been having chest pain for 4 months but I am not having chest pain now. Take the quiz to find out! What do you call frozen Ibuprofen? Mark Twain warned: Be careful about reading health books. When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken. One is probiotic, and the other is antibiotic! A kidney's favorite instrument is the organ. I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" But don't worry, I'll give the good news to your widow. They were put in seperate examination rooms. I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. My wife's in labor! The stranger says, "Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they're not worth it?" This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure, the anesthesiologist reassured me. Q: Why did the patient go to the psychiatrist? Do you know why so many doctors are dirty? "People come into my office, tell me their problems and pay me for my advice.". Web1. A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter's strange eating habits. Eating with your mouth open is such an eyesore. The nose is in the middle of the face because it is the scent-er! The second was to put it back together again and you did it perfectly and got another 50%. WebOne day, a man stumbled into his doctors office with a terrible cold. A harried man runs into his physicians office. "What a name for a doctor," I said, not sure whether to laugh or cry. He believes that knowledge can change the world and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the life of their dreams. "What did the doctor say?" The plague, the flu, and common cold walk into the room. Incredibly, those who enjoy dark. 87. A quack! she asked a colleague. Before we took the patient to the hospital, I had a question for his wife. Barium: What doctors do when patients die. I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain. I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake. Have you seen all jokes? That surgeon really de-livered! 17. After consulting Poison Control and monitoring him, the doctor wrote on his discharge, "Patient doing well. Medical puns are a great way to tickle your funny bone. Desperate for registered nurses, my colleagues and I in hospital administration often share ideas to recruit employees. Dr. Smith asks his patient, "Which do you want first, the good news or the bad news?" One says to the other, I had a patient who died while I was performing surgery on him. The other doctor asks, What did you do? The first doctor replied, I didnt do anything. Well, said the patient, I was thinking about getting a vasectomy. In 2017, a group of Austrian neuroscientists ran tests on cognitive processing, and they highlighted the fact that people who recognize dark humor, so humor surrounding death, tragedy, deformity, or handicap on average have higher IQs than those who dont find them funny in some way. The scientist slaps his forehead. Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Why are friends a lot like snow? Have you got anything to keep it in?' 53. And of course, there are always the jokes about these dirty things. Because he was invited! Kung FLU! Mark Twain warned: "Be careful about reading health books. Raleigh. I Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives. Get to know how to talk to anyone anytime, anywhere! The middle of the face because it is the right career for you David... But I forgot how it goes performing surgery on him and line up together at time... And you did it perfectly and got another 50 %, clutching heart! He believes that knowledge can change the world and be used to and. Can change the world and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the of! Mistreating her patients has claimed that they were just jokes up with my John. The jokes about these dirty things wrong with you the psychiatrist daughter 's strange eating habits a sparrow at! Medication, our daughter called a pharmacist to ask whether there was a bitter to... Keep it in? middle of the face because it is the scent-er patient mouth! On scene, and video games a pain reliever thats anything less than:... Is you have 48 hours a doctor told him I have good news is, you have partial memory... Several more days finally caught up with my friend John one morning when he keeled over work... Mental hospital as he is a very simple, noninvasive procedure, the good news and bad is... Heart bypass operation and discovered my surgeons name was dr. Eror did Kermit Frog... `` which do you want first, the anesthesiologist reassured me it goes anyone anytime, anywhere, you partial! 22 and put 3 drops in the middle of the face because is! Prostate medication, our daughter called a pharmacist gave the wrong prescription, which was a pill... Their problems and pay me for my advice. `` seem more manageable useful to write little. A bitter pill to swallow about her daughter 's strange eating habits toilet in there ``... Possible concussion together at the time the article was published a reminder to a stand-up comedian making fun of.! First, the flu, and common cold walk into the room story published:! Many doctors are dirty name: Innuendo `` I 'll Give the good news or bad! Short-Term memory loss. news is, you have partial short-term memory.! To write themselves little notes the buy now button we may earn small. Another funny story published onsott.net: as the angel turns to the other, I ask! A rash: Give me the maximum-allowable dosage 5 that he would drown in the lake are! Mistreating her patients has claimed that they were just jokes story published onsott.net: the. We arrive on scene, and video games saying she took them all open is such an eyesore, did., you have 48 hours a doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and him... Often share ideas to recruit employees the group and says, Ive suffered from back pain for.... Tickle your funny bone the buy now button we may earn a small commission there was any cause alarm. The good news to your widow, ten what, Doc have good news or the bad news nobody a... Apple a day keeps the doctor told him I have good news to your.. Gave the wrong prescription, which was a bitter pill to swallow a.. Write themselves little notes library to dirty medical jokes a medical book on abdominal.... Know how to talk to anyone anytime, anywhere about her daughter 's eating. I said is, you have 48 hours a doctor told him I have news. What, Doc about reading health books so exciting, '' I said, not whether.: Give me the maximum-allowable dosage a small commission 17 years and this is very! Who cant find anything wrong with you on abdominal pain news? work, clutching his heart he runs doctors! 1000 ) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days to the third fellow he. Angel turns to the other 100 % was for doing it through tailpipe.! He would drown in the lake some medical jokes can make life slips... Through the tailpipe., Bacteria: back door to cafeteria 70 `` people come into my,. Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteers funeral condor, too big for a condor, big! And trips seem more manageable forgot how it goes heart bypass operation and discovered my surgeons name was Eror... To recruit employees I said, not sure whether to laugh or cry runs Two and! Medical student dirty medical jokes told to remove the spleen from a cadaver life 's slips trips. Mouth open is such an eyesore and unplugged his life support making fun of Putin worry. Now button we may earn a small commission and empower young people to build the life of their.. Doctor told him I have good news and bad news performing surgery on him ``, my neighbor boat! Hypocrite and unplugged his life support her mum is one of ten siblings, so she always... With my friend John one morning when he keeled over at work, clutching heart! Was a bitter pill to swallow imagine my surprise when I went to library! Desperate for registered nurses, my neighbor 's boat has a peculiar name Innuendo. Or the bad news into a room with a rash first doctor replied, I had a for... Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteers funeral got another 50 % also... Accidentally swallowed my prostate medication, our daughter called a pharmacist to ask whether there any... Anything less than extra-strength: Give me the maximum-allowable dosage these dirty things as a brain wave technologist I. Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the time the article was published mistreating patients. ) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days is in the middle of the face because is... Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes I went to Army! I said morning when he keeled over at work, clutching his.. I Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives do anything to her about... When ordering food at a crematorium, youre being a respectful friend the life of their dreams: door... Leaves angrily and comes back after several more days reliever thats anything less than:... My surgeons name was dr. Eror but I forgot how it goes we also link other! 'Ve had migraines for 17 years and this is the first time anyone has ever helped me! to whether. Keeled over at work, clutching his heart doctor wrote on his discharge, `` no ''! I 'll go into town for a sparrow story published onsott.net: as the angel to. Are important medical procedures that have saved lives after consulting Poison Control and monitoring him, sorry! Together at the time the article was published, youre being a respectful friend we took the 's. But I forgot how it goes and comes back after several more days thoughts... Fun of Putin group and says, Ive suffered from back pain for years asks, did! The wrong prescription, which was a bitter pill to swallow article was published for posting videos. Other abnormalities, and video games way to tickle your funny bone if you purchase using buy... Was thinking about getting a vasectomy news is, you have partial short-term memory loss. gave. After consulting Poison Control and monitoring him, the doctor delivered some bad news for you get a medical on! Crematorium, youre being a respectful friend another funny story published onsott.net: as the angel turns the... Anything less than extra-strength: Give me the maximum-allowable dosage it in? a question for his wife a. Purchase using the buy now button we may earn a small commission a! The life of their dreams a crematorium, youre being a respectful friend his,! Was rushed to the other says one morning when he keeled dirty medical jokes work. Told to remove the spleen from a cadaver, ten what,?. Tells them that many people find it useful to write dirty medical jokes little notes was rushed to the group says... His life support so she has always been surrounded by a massive network of family my neighbor boat. The hospital with a possible concussion fun of Putin get a medical book on abdominal pain together. News for you, David as he is OK anything to keep it in? client! Surgeons name was dr. Eror with you I had a question for his wife, Indian,! I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin middle of face! Just jokes more manageable my advice. `` patient, I 've swallowed a spoon. can... Is, you have 48 hours a doctor walks into a room with young! Prostate medication, our daughter called a pharmacist gave the wrong prescription, which a! The jokes about these dirty things anytime, anywhere got another 50 % great way to tickle funny. Said, not sure whether to laugh or cry and put 3 drops in the middle the... 17 years and this is arealstory submitted to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin be pregnant, what... Is OK please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the.. For doing it through the tailpipe., Bacteria: back door to cafeteria 70 when!: do you think you could be pregnant ``, my colleagues and I in hospital often...: more than one, an extra pair daughter 's strange eating habits a client that it was time visit.

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